Archives For Wife

6.3.13It’s marriage week here at MTVPastor. A few days ago my gorgeous wife Robin and I celebrated our 11 year anniversary. In honor of that, I’ll be sharing my thoughts on marriage in three different posts. Today I’ll share 11 reasons why marriages fail. Wednesday I’ll write on 11 ways to strengthen your marriage. Friday I’ll finish up with 11 reasons why marriage is worth it.

We see marriages around us fail for a multitude of reasons. Underlying the causes of divorce are some common themes. Here are eleven of them:

1. Lack of communication. Constant and meaningful conversation is the lifeblood of a marriage. You would think that all marriages have meaningful conversation, but they don’t. Couples don’t carve out time. They’re too tired. The husbands don’t want to talk. Television replaces conversation, and separation begins.

2. Busyness. We can be too busy for our own good. A career is good, but not if it comes at the expense of your marriage. Hobbies are good, but not if it comes at the expense of your marriage. Friends are good, but not if they come at the expense of your marriage. Even kids can drain away precious energy from your marriage. The couples that can’t cut back see their marriages float away in a sea of busyness.

3. Selfishness. At the core, marriage is about serving your spouse, about submitting yourself and your needs to the needs of your spouse. If the couples can’t grasp this, submit their ego and embrace the concept of mutual submission, then fault line cracks will appear at the base of your marriage.

4. Can’t overcome your family of origin. Many spouses were raised in broken, abusive, or dysfunctional homes. They walk into marriage knowing only destructive marriage habits from the example of their parents. If they can’t overcome and move past their family of origin, their parents’ destructive marriage will become their own destructive marriage.

5. Unwilling to grow in your marriage. Marriage is all about change. You change. Your spouse changes. If you’re unwilling to grow and change with your spouse, you don’t have much of a shot. The trick of marriage isn’t finding a perfect spouse who will never change, but to find a way to continuously fall in love with your ever-changing spouse.

6. Lack of investment in your marriage. Husbands, your marriage isn’t complete when you say “I do.” Without constant and intentional investment, your marriage will struggle. Just like a farmer’s work isn’t done when he plants the seed, neither is your work done when you walk the aisle. Marriage takes hard work, lots of it.

7. Addictions overwhelm a spouse. Sometimes a latent addiction can rear up and consume a spouse. An eating disorder, a pornography addiction, alcoholism, if left unchecked, will wreck a marriage. It takes two people to make a marriage work, but only one person to wreck it.

8. Bitterness and unforgiveness overwhelm you. Your spouse will hurt you more than any other person on the planet. They will continually remind you that they are a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness. Because you’re the person closest to them, you will deal with the brunt of their imperfections. If you choose to hold on to past hurts and slights, bitterness will poison your soul and consume you.

9. You give up too easily. Make no illusions: marriage is tough. It’s not for the faint of heart. Every couple will come to points where divorce seems like the easy option. The marriage that works is the marriage that chooses to fight when things get tough, not quit.

10. Sin entices and destroys the marriage. Sin is always looking for a way to destroy the beauty of your marriage. It may use the approach of greed, selfishness, an affair, or any other number of enticements. If you’re not constantly on your guard, sin will destroy your marriage.

11. The love grows cold. Love is like a campfire that must be constantly tended to and stoked. If left alone, the fire will eventually burn itself out and grow cold. When the love grows cold, there doesn’t seem to be much left to save. Don’t let your fire grow cold.

QUESTION: What other reasons cause marriage to fail?

image courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

12.10.12Being a youth pastor for ten years, I’ve got a lot of “daughters” that I view as practically my own. Some are married but many are still single. As a protective dad, here are seven things I wish I could say to all of them (inspired by Perry Noble and his blogs on the same subject):

1. You’re a princess. I don’t mean this in the spoiled-rotten, get-whatever-I-want sense, but in the sense that God sent Jesus to die for you. As a follower of Christ, you’re now a daughter of the King. You’re a princess. If you ever doubt you’re self-worth, remember that the King of Kings died for you. That makes you awesome.

2. Since you’re a princess, wait for a prince. Set your standards high ladies. If almost anyone meets your requirements for a boyfriend, then your standards are too low. Remember, you’re worth the wait. Don’t give yourself away until your prince comes.

3. If a guy asks you to compromise your purity, he’s not a prince. He’s a pig. Your prince will honor you and respect you as a daughter of the King. If anyone ever pressures you to give up your purity for a relationship, then he doesn’t respect you. He just wants your body. He’ll use you and discard you. Don’t be fooled!

4. Just because you screwed up doesn’t make you a screw up. Some of you are reading this and you’ve already messed up sexually. That doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy or no longer valuable. It just means you made a mistake. God still loves you and is pursuing you with a relentless love and overwhelming grace.

5. “I’m lonely” or “I’m getting older” are never good excuses to settle for the next guy that comes along. Wait for God’s timing. It will always be longer than you want, but it will always be worth it. Trust me.

6. If you’re not happy single, you’ll never be happy married. Find your contentment in Christ. As awesome as your husband will one day be, he’ll never satisfy you as Christ will. If you find your contentment in Christ now, then you’ll be content in your marriage. But if you look for your husband to provide the happiness that only Christ can provide, then you’ll be sorely disappointed.

7. Purity starts now. Wherever you are in your purity journey, make this the day that you renew your purity to God. If you’re in a sexual relationship, get out of it. It’s not God’s best for you. Renew your purity to God and watch Him do amazing things in you.

Praying for all of you!

image courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Five for Friday

October 19, 2012 — 3 Comments

Have a great weekend! Thanks for reading this week. If there are any topics in particular you’d like me to write on in the future, email me at josh@mtvchurch.com

Will Someone Please Lead Us? – Frustrated by the political climate in Washington? You’re not alone. One Christian leader’s angst expressed for all of us.

Three Ways to Nourish and Cherish Your Wife – Great advice that CJ Maheny would give you if he were sitting down with you at Starbucks.

If You Want to Succeed in Business, Read More Novels – A Great Forbes magazine article on the positive benefits of reading novels. Break out the Hunger Games!

Dear Mom. Jesus Wants You to Chill Out - Great encouragement for stressed out moms. Must read!

Eight Terrible Church Visits – Please make sure your church never does this!